When I discovered my phimosis in September of 2015, I got surprised, and that feeling of pain when retracting was an unknown feeling to me. It got me scared.
But I looked online and saw what it was and saw different ways of solving it. I knew from the start I did not want a circumcision, even if I barely knew what it was, there were creams and stretching or a more minimal procedure to be done.
So i did not get scared much. And thanks mom for at least being against circumcision at first.
But dad, why did you have to tell me I’d be like you if I choose circumcision? Did you think it would make us closer? Couldn’t you inform yourself on my condition instead of downplaying it? Was it that hard for you?
I can’t entirely blame you but I wish I’d never asked help from you in the first place. Why did I have to be the son of a circumcised man who never thought about it?
But then I went to the doctor. He looked at it and sent me to the urologist.
I can’t remember why I was alone there. It was my first time being alone and having to make a choice so important.
You, urologist, treated me like some cattle. I was barely informed, had just showed my penis to a stranger and was asked on the spot to make a choice.
You did ask me about what I believe was a dorsal slit. But why did you tell me none of the benefits and just told me the bad aspects of it? I had been traumatized by keloids in my youth and of course you mentioned it. And you were quick to tell me it could just not work anyway.
And then you mentioned circumcision. But to tell me the truth about it and tell me the downsides of it was too hard for you? Aren’t you supposed to care for the well being of your patients? Since when does amputating a body part of someone seem like a reasonable solution?
You also could have reminded me of steroid creams and stretching, but since you did not care, you just didn’t do it of course.
Did I look like I had any idea when you asked me to choose one operation? Did I look like an informed guy that had thought well and see the ups and downs of each possibilities?
No, I got scared and chose the only option proposed to me where you omitted the downsides so easily. And so I was led to choose a date so quickly. You wanted me to do it in less than a week. At least I told you no I want it later.
And to my parents,
Did I look like I had any idea what I was choosing when I came back to you with the date set and the operation chosen? Why didn’t both of you research and ask around you for help on how to help your son? Why were you also so quick forgetting the other ways I had told you?
How come in both your minds, a body amputation was an actual way to go? I told you mom I could probably not handle both operation had I chosen the dorsal slit, but that really does not make sense when you think about it for more than 3 seconds, does it? The operation under anesthesia is nothing compared to living with the operation’s consequences.
And why dad would you just tell me again, I’ll be like you? Why could you not HELP ME? Was it so hard to look for information? I wish everyday you’d have at least just shut up. You really thought because you were mutilated at birth that I would like to be as well? What kind of world do we live in for it to be something someone actually thinks?
Who in their right mind would not at least try the way less horrible option? And those options were written on the circumcision shitty paper that the doctor had given! It was RIGHT THERE.
Would you both have cared more if I had discovered it earlier in my life? I was 21 already unfortunately.
And to me,
I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that you had to discover your phimosis at the happiest time of your life, when you were too blind to realize. When you were so eager to have sex and felt like you had to solve it quickly.
I wished I could have saved you. I wished I’d have kept my mouth shut and not trusted anyone but myself. I wished I had discovered it at another time, things could have gone so differently.
I’m so sorry I destroyed your dreams by getting scared at the doctor.
